Oh my it is hot. The island is full of tourists with sun cream, long dresses and ice cream. The day has been a long one and quite hard but it was a family effort and both houses are sparkling for the new visitors. But we are all shattered and have gone to separate bits of the house to cool off. Pete is now ill just as Harry is improving. We all have sore throats so Harry obviously brought something back from his festival weekend. Lovely.
Yesterday I had two encounters with nature that I meant to tell you about because the contrast was so immediate. The first was two nips from a horse fly and I fell out with mother nature over that as I have an allergic reaction to those little creatures. My leg is now badly swollen but I absolutely don't care because of the second encounter. Moments after the bites I looked up and a Buzzard was gliding on the thermals just above my tunnel. I stood and watched it for ages and it knew I was there but didn't seem to mind. It was a mature adult because it was quite big and completely majestic. Perhaps I will come back as a Buzzard.
The fun day is in full swing at the bottom of the hill but as we drove by we noticed that people did look hot. Thankfully the park leads straight on to the beach so I am thinking that a few feet will be paddling later. Our village runs events all week now and my favourite is the sand sculpture competition on the beach in the centre of the village. I hope to get down there will my camera because there are always one or two exceptional ones. I love transient art and we have done quite a bit of it in home school over the years. Not everything that is great has to be permanent.
From time to time friends ask for advice about problems they are having with their children. It is not that I am an expert but it is that our four children are really grounded and have always been so well behaved. It is important to note that I have studied child psychology and I am also a trained and very experienced teacher. It is vital, however, not to preach about parenting and we all have to find a way that works for our own family. For me it was all about the early years. I worked really hard when the children were small to teach them appropriate behaviour and the essential skill of self discipline. I also spent many conversations discussing compassion and empathy. This work paid off in later years and we are fortunate enough not to have had one of them turn into a monster teenager.
Just lately I have had a real run of friends asking for advice and I have spent time with the children to see if I can make any useful observations. For me it is all in the observations and maybe we should all do a little more of that because it does usually offer up the answer. I mention this because I have detected a slight trend running though all the children I have spent time with. They are all between 8 and 12 years which in child development terms is a critical phase. Before the age of 8 children find it difficult or even impossible to see the world from the viewpoint of someone else. Their development of empathy can only really start from this age. By 12 years most children have developed quite solid empathy skills and it makes them a more rounded individual.
The trend that I am seeing relates to a lack of empathy understanding but it goes beyond that for me. In all cases I have observed quite sophisticated skills of manipulation and this worries me a great deal. A child of that age should not be able to manipulate a parent but that it is exactly what I have seen through all my observations. They appear to be resisting any attempts to consider the world in a more compassionate and empathetic way but at the same time they are willing to try and manipulate their parents. Both sides of this equation need serious attention. A lack of empathy leads to a self serving attitude in life and that is not an attractive personality trait. But I think it runs deeper than that. A self serving approach never leads to true happiness so the destiny of that child is in peril. If you add in the sophisticated manipulative skills to ensure everything is just how they want it we are staring at a very sad situation.
It has got me thinking about why my children all have strong empathy skills and I began to recount all the activities we have done as a family that have lead to these skills developing. One of the strong elements is our charity work. From when they were small all of our children have understood that there are people in the world with much tougher lives than them. We have studied developing nations in school and carried out charity work as a family and I do believe that has made a huge difference. Interestingly, there are differences between the four with regards to their level of empathy and compassion. Max and Harry are probably the most compassionate towards people and Molly and George save theirs for animals!
I do hope this doesn't come across as preaching because that is certainly not my intention. I just think that it is shocking to see such sophisticated manipulation skills at the same time as very poor empathy skills. When you put the two together the parents have a real challenge to turn that child's behaviour into more appropriate ways. I have been promising myself that I would write about our experience of home school and doing things a little differently from the majority of families out there so perhaps I should just get on with it. Sometime for 2014 maybe?
Right in the middle of this post I had a quick Skype call with Molly who looks very tanned and relaxed. I don't think she can believe that she has had this weather on the Isle of Eigg. She trekked for 9 hours yesterday so I am thinking she will come back much fitter than when she left. And now I am listening to the pipe band at the fun day while laying on my bed chilling. Today is getting better.
Until tomorrow. xx
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