A lovely little day today except for the fact that our George is proper poorly and really struggling. The throat and chest thing has now run through the whole family and I am just hoping that Molly doesn't get it as she is due home tomorrow.
I am slowly returning my house to a home rather than a wreath making workshop. A small corner remained as I had some lovely ladies over for a wreath making course this afternoon. They all made beautiful wreaths and also table centres and we ate cake and caught up with all the news. It has been a difficult few months on the island with so many tragic deaths so it felt good to be sharing good news for a change.
That is the last event that I needed to prepare for and now it is family time all the way. I am ready for a break as I need a bit of a recharge. It has been a very busy year with lots of exciting developments. If I was to pick my highlight it would be my time on the Isle of Eigg. It was such a blessing to be able to truly step out of my world and see another way of living. The island is too beautiful for words to ever do it justice and the people so relaxed and welcoming. My time on Eigg allowed me to see things so much more clearly. It is often difficult to 'see' when you your life is so busy. You can't really be busy on Eigg and that time gave me enormous focus.
I came back very clear about what I wanted to achieve with the rest of my life and have made the necessary changes to ensure that these aspirations can be fulfilled. Shortly after that visit I got an article published on Waverly Fitzgerald's site Living in Season and I knew then that this would be an important milestone. Waverly is my writing guru and so for her to like my work and have confidence in it gave me a great boost.
This year came off the back of last year when I studied Buddhism through a distance learning programme from Samye Ling. This course had already significantly changed my way of thinking and my view of the world. So, if you put 2012 together with 2013 you can see where the changes have come from. It is my own version of a mid life crisis.
I have been fortunate to have had a wonderful career in the university sector followed by a fabulous time running my own business. Now I find myself having success as a writer and it would be easy to spend the rest of my days just writing. But my mid life crisis taught me that I need to give back far more than take out. So an emerging focus has been to help others who need help and/or who are less fortunate than myself. I think this desire awoke within the first few modules on my Buddhist course and I have not looked back since.
January is the month of renewal for me as I think through the year ahead and where it might take me. It is, however, obvious to me that you can only plan so much and the rest of it happens and all you can do is react to it. When I began this blog I could not have known that dear friends would not be alive by the time the project finished. It is in that not knowing where the essence of life is and I think we can all be measured in how we respond to things that occur without warning. My time on the Isle of Eigg taught me how important it is to breathe and make space for contemplative thinking that places the needs of others before your own. This is truly transformational as it changes the way you think.
What is interesting is how people around you react to this transformational outlook. I am blessed with many lovely friends but they all struggle with their concerns about me. They see me helping so many other people that they fret about me. This is completely understandable given the nature of my illness but not at all necessary. Putting the needs of others before your own is life enriching and it feeds your soul like nothing else can. That fodder is then available to graze on as you need to and that is the way I view it. This is central to Buddhism as this dharma teaches you that true happiness comes from within. Imagine we are one of those lovely chocolates that you bite into and it is delicious on the outside but even more delicious on the inside. Freeing my mind and soul in order to put others before myself has been rewarding beyond words. It is also completely genuine with no hidden agenda. The totality of the experience I now understand as a form of 'soul walking' where you identify your essence and have a good walk in it. Soul walking allows you to see things far more clearly than before but it does take a bit of practice. Meditation has been part of that practice but not the whole story. Good observational and reflective skills are also useful as you take a walk with your soul.
I hope this helps my friends who I know worry about me as it might just reassure them a little. Those that know me well know that I have always done a million things all at once as it is the way I was made. But perhaps now they will understand the enormous shift in my life over the last couple of years and how enriching it has been. When it comes down to it it is very simple. If I can help to make someone's life better I will.
The best bit of all is how many other people have joined me on this transformational process and this has been entirely possible because of Scottish island mum. I will be forever in her debt.
Until tomorrow. xx
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