After a pretty wild storm, today has been calmer although we know there is more to come. I think we are OK, although I haven't been over the far fields to check for fallen trees. This is a job for the boys I think.
The Doubleday family is currently dealing with a poorly elderly rabbit so that is a little challenging. Harry and George are still not recovered from their illness and we suddenly have a lot to do. It is such a busy time of the year but I always have a day when I have a bit of a reaction to the whole Christmas experience. This hasn't been as bad as in previous years and for two reasons. Firstly we scaled our Christmas back this year and tried to simplified things and that feels much better. We are not a Christian family so this is not a religious holiday for us but it is a time for family. Secondly, I listened to an interview that Waverly Fitzgerald did recently about how she sees Christmas. In the interview she talks about the winter solstice and the turning of the year with the shortest day and the bringing of light. She also takes about her family traditions at Christmas which includes presents that are made, not bought. As is often the case I find myself on a similar path to Waverly be her path in Seattle and mine on Arran. I have made many of my Christmas presents this year and the striped back celebration feels right.
The boys and I made our paper chain decorations this morning as we start to decorate above the table. This little corner of our house has a view down to the sea and we always make a special effort with the space as Christmas day approaches. I like the table to be decorated with natural decorations gathered from the smallholding and the hedgerows and this year I am making a dried rose hip centre piece which will be woven into some willow shapes to form a garland. The odd grand prix red rose will just finish it off nicely. I have the table decorated by Christmas eve and it stays like this through the holiday. Afterwards the whole thing can go on the compost heap.
I have been doing a little bit of fire fighting over the last few days dealing with inevitable fall out from withdrawing from so many projects all at once. Mostly people have understood completely and I am grateful for this blog as it has allowed me the time and space to provide essential contextual information. The fire fighting has mainly focused on people making assumptions about me without really giving due care or reflection. I am guilty of that from time to time so I know how easily it is done. It is fair to say that when you blog every day for a year your readers get to know quite a bit about you. I have tried to stay authentic to the project and ensured that I talk about the most important things that have occurred and I think I have succeeded. The issue is one of omission though. Clearly I don't talk about everything that happens and I only share the tip of the iceberg in terms of what goes through my mind. Our minds are an ever evolving place and if you stop to think how many thoughts you have a day it is quite staggering.
I think the fire fighting is due to the inevitable omissions because these have led to people making ill informed assumptions about me. There are essentially two issues. The first is that I might lack commitment to things. I can hear those of you that know me well shouting at the screen right about now! It is a difficult concept to measure because it means different things to different people. In my view I do not lack commitment and never have done. I believe that I offer all the commitment a project needs but that I also know when it is time to walk away. I think that is what my Buddhist teacher was trying to leave me with. He wanted me to understand that I should be using that instinct more often so that I can leave projects at the right time and make space for new things. Just at this time it feels right to follow his teachings but I will review as I go. It is impossible to know how long I can stay involved in a project because it depends on too many factors but I do think I can read the evolving situation and thus leave at just the right time. I am now aware that not everyone understands that but then we are back to people not necessarily knowing me as well as they think. It is an engaging debate and one that I am sure has touched many of us through our lives.
The second issue relates to an assumption that withdrawing from things means that there is something wrong - I am in a bad place. Nothing could be further from the truth. When I feel it is time to leave a project behind that usually comes from a very good place. A place that tells me that I am no longer needed and it is time for others to have more space. When I left my university career behind me after over 10 years I did it at a time when the boss's job was on offer. I had been asked to apply with lots of assurances that I would get the job. I did go through a feeling that I didn't think I wanted the job because of the inevitable impact on my family. But my reasons for leaving were far more complex than that. They involved a deep knowing that I had already given what I had to give and that this was a time for others, not me. My time was over. I think that is a really important part of the debate. Walking away is not an easy route and it certainly needs a great deal of careful thought. But, in my case, it always comes from a position of strength in the belief that my job is done.
Despite my little flickers of fire fighting the overwhelming messages have focused on what we all can take from this process. Many of you have told me your stories and the word 'overload' sings out from each and every one of them. Striping life back a little seems to be a common aspiration. I am obviously striping back to make more room for other things but I totally understand those of you who just want to connect with the essence of 'less is more.' I do, of course, wish you all well with your journeys and see the new year as an ideal time to reflect. One soul many hearts will be busy in January as Scottish island mum goes dark. With a theme of 'renewal' I hope to share lots of helpful activities and exercises that are useful when one enters a period of contemplation.
So, as I enter the final few days of this blog I feel completely at peace with the project and humbled by the continued support. Many of you have asked me about my plans for writing in the future and although they are not fully inked in I am happy to share some thoughts. I am currently working on a writing project loosely called '365 seasonal gifts of kindness.' The premise is that we have a growing culture of kindness reaching right round the globe but much of that is driven by a notion of random. My project hopes to make a response to that by offering up ideas for every day of the year where gifts of kindness can be generated by remaining connected and focused on the changing seasons. These gifts may be towards others, yourself or the planet we call home. My aim, I think, is to incorporate that into the new Scottish island mum site in outline form during 2014 before publishing a book with more detail and contextual information after that.
I am also working on the main site for Scottish island mum and beginning to pull together the sections. 2014 absolutely has to be the year when I pull together my experience in education in a way that might be useful for others. I can't say anymore about that at the moment as I am in discussions that are only at a very early stage.
I have a passion for storytelling and an inkling to return to the traditional 'Once upon a time' notion and so have a number of short stories that appear to be unfolding without very much encouragement from me. This is something that might just pop up on Scottish island mum as a new addition. My ultimate storytelling is in the shape of a contemporary novel but I don't see that developing any further in 2014 but it is a watching brief. When the children are all through home school there will be time I need to write a novel and see where that takes me.
So, my writing continues to have a place in my life but it follows my role as a mother and my work with international charities. Now that I have let so many projects go I have a lot more time to take on longer assignments where the written word becomes the place where stories of enormous need are translated around the world. Standing beside mothers in desperate need of help for basic survival is the ultimate in storytelling and I feel honoured to be able to help.
Until tomorrow. xx
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