Day 365 - the final blog post.......xx

Tuesday 31st December

Oh my goodness how emotional do I feel? We find ourselves at the end of a remarkable year and an even more remarkable project.  Blogging every day for a year was the challenge and this now becomes the achievement.  It has to be one of the proudest achievements of my life.  This is not just because the challenge has been met but more about what has developed from the challenge.  I could never have known so much would develop from a little blog and I could never have anticipated the interest it would draw.  This interest blossomed very quickly into a dialogue between myself and the readers of the blog and that, I believe, is the most powerful aspect of the whole project. 

I thought it would make a fitting end to look back on the year and focus on some of the highlights.  But before that I would just say that the overwhelming outcome of looking back through the blog is the realisation that life ebbs and flows all by itself.  Those of you with religious faith that worships a god will probably put this ebbing and flowing down to that and I respect that.  I don't, however, worship a god.  I believe that our destiny is largely in our own hands and we are ultimately responsible for our own lives.  That said, the spiritual side of me has long since felt that other powers are at work mainly drawn from our natural world and the science that underpins that.  I am not sure it matters where the belief lies but what does matter is that we understand that our lives will always ebb and flow and it is our response to those shifting tides that make us who we are. 

Scottish island mum began as a simple idea.  I had dabbled with writing on and off for years but lacked the necessary discipline to take it anywhere.  Writing something every day for a year seemed liked a good step forward and I am not sure that it was any more complicated than that.  So back in January the project started and has done nothing but go from strength to strength since those fledgling days and I find myself in a completely new space at the end of the project. 

This new space that I know inhabit is based on the experiences from the year but also my deliberations and reflections on those experiences.  That is what the blog does as it gives you a space to pause, reflect and think out loud.  I would say at this point that I am not sure we make enough time for these most valuable of actions.  Life in the 21st century is so busy that we rarely make the time to reflect and I do think that is a missing aspect of our lives. 

Looking back through the year I have tried to focus on highlights that would not have existed if it were not for Scottish island mum.  She worked her own very real magic at certain stages in the year but this time I was ready for her.  In providing a space to reflect I could learn much more quickly the lessons from the experiences and change direction as I needed to.

Without Scottish island mum there would not have been -

The need to create a space to write in and the birth of the hen hut in January would not have been envisioned.

The transformation required for a clapped out summer house to become a little haven where nothing but creativity can blossom.

The sense that growing willow on the property could be something that we could be using productively by the end of the year. 

A space to reflect on home school and why we began this journey ten years earlier and where it had taken all of us.

A connection with an old friend, the lovely Di, out of a disconnection of the island from power for a week when Arran went dark.

A discovery and review of the work of Hannah Frank and the connection with her niece with who I share so many perspectives on life.

So many butterflies in my life that carried the hopes of so many on their wings and also led me down a more committed route with my work with international charities.

An opening event for the Hen Hut that brought new friendships both real and virtual.

The seed of a new web site that focused on all things positive in the world.

The launch of Molly's blog Conservation Stories which makes such an important contribution to our world.

The discovery of prayer flags and the sharing with so many including two very special nieces that went on to raise their own money for the Butterfly Tree charity.

A feature article in a national newspaper about Scottish island mum and a ridiculously large photograph of me that was actually taken in a pub car park in Portsmouth. 

A fully documented visit to the Isle of Eigg and the meeting of a lady who lived in a time gone by.

A realisation about how right the inhabitants of the Isle of Eigg are about how to live their lives. 

A lifetime ambition to be realised as a piece of my work was published on Waverly Fitzgerald's site Living in Season.

A necessary sharing of grief as it featured the year on far too many occasions. 

A chance to write my own dedication to my beloved Paul who I will miss until my last breath.

A sharing of the experience that is the island 'Highland Games' standing beside my soul sister the lovely Angie.

An opportunity to write a dedication to each of my four children and to truly understand what makes them unique. 

The inclination to try a rewilding challenge and to document how it changed my whole perspective on life and how I live it. 

An approach from the United Nations to begin working for them by using my emerging skills in writing to affect new thinking and change in places that are lost in our world.

The launch of One soul many hearts providing a sharing platform for all things good and positive in the world. 

The chance to share coppicing our first willow crop and taking it through to 'Whimsical Willow' with a real sense of family pride. 

The opportunity to tease out some thinking and secure the name for Buds and Blooms the new wedding flower business for 2014. 

A chance to 'speak' via email to people from all over the world who all have a stake in Scottish island mum. 

The opportunity to take up roles in UNICEF and now Save the Children as well (hot off the press) to work as an activist and use my skills in writing to make a real difference. 

The sense that I now know exactly who I am and what my role is in life from this point on. 


That is quite a list by anyone's standards so you can probably feel the emotion building in me as I begin to think about signing off.  In true Scottish island mum style lets us take a gentle peek at the future as she sees it today.....

Scottish island mum hopes to -

Concentrate heavily on her work with UNICEF and Save the Children to start to make a real difference on national and international platforms as requested to do so.

Build a brand new Scottish island mum that offers a lifestyle blog sprinkled with magic dust home grown on the island - the link will be posted here as soon as it is live.

Get back to storytelling as part of Scottish island mum and beyond.

Be a far more compassionate and much quieter human being.

Get pregnant again (OK, this one is a joke to check you are still with me).

Help as many people as I can through my Kindness project including encouraging others to consider the place of kindness in their lives. 

Take my very recent experience in 'soul walking' some place new but no idea at the moment where.....

Be the best person I can possibly be. 

All that is left now is to say a huge and very genuine thank you to all of you who have stuck with the project as it ebbed and flowed.  Your friendship and support throughout the entire journey has made it what is has become and what it can still become in the future.  Those of you that know me well (which is probably all of you) will know that I am mindful to dedicate achievements beyond myself and there is one person who is the most obvious person to dedicate this entire project to. 

I dedicate Scottish island mum in its entirety to my beloved late father.  He would be so proud of this little project. 

It has been a complete honour.  xx

Day 364 - Only two to go.....xx

Monday 30th January

Goodness me this is the penultimate blog for Scottish island mum.  I am struggling to believe that this project has lasted a whole year.  Time definitely marches much quicker the older you get.  As my 18 year old son leaves on the boat to see the new year in with his friends in Glasgow I can see the changes in my family. Somehow they all grew up and I may not have noticed.  With now two adult children in the family the dynamics have shifted slightly and I perhaps need to spend time reflecting on that.  In particular, I need to reflect on my shifting relationships with them and ensure that I am making the necessary adjustments.  Molly remains a frequent visitor but now has two homes and I have understood that and made those adjustments.  Harry remains at home but is looking to spread his wings a little further in 2014.  George is about to start his qualifications and therefore will spend more time studying by himself and that leaves more time for Max on a one to one basis.  I  see all these changes as wonderful opportunities and I also see four incredibly grounded and compassionate human beings.  2014 is a big year for me as I turn 50 but it is also a big year for the children and Pete.  Pete will reach 50 before me so he can lead the way.  The children will adjust their horizons as they do every year and Pete and I will need to adjust our view finders accordingly. 

Having just spent a few hours with Molly extending and deepening her blog, Conservation Stories, I can see how much she is ready to enter the working environment that is animal conservation.  Typically Molly, she is researching people who have their bird ringing licence that live near Nottingham so that she can do her apprenticeship with them while studying for her masters.  Does she sound like anyone?  She remains a good few steps ahead in her thinking and that continues to work for her.  The changes to her blog are really exciting and there are lots of ways to get involved.  I will be doing a full editorial on it on One soul many hearts once she has it ready. 

Harry has his year ahead planned. He begins work on a building project virtually on the beach early in the new year to give him some income until March when the growing season  gets underway again and then he will be back on the plot.  He also has the willow crop to extend with his brothers on Hazelbank.  Studying continues on his diploma in Sports Nutrition and then he wants to take his gym instructor qualification.  He has a busy year ahead because he also wants to pass his driving test. 

George will complete his English and Maths qualifications before beginning his level 3 work with dog care.  I am also confident he will be making lots more cakes as news of his talents are spreading.  George wants to take on more work on the smallholding so he will be working with me on the cut flower crop. 

Max continues with home school but I am also hoping that he will pick up some more work with charities.  I am keen to see where this work takes him as he has the biggest heart in the family.  I am hoping that he will do some guest blogging for One soul many hearts on its new page about helping others. 

So, you can see that they are all growing up and finding their own way.  Pete and I are very good at shifting our relationships with them to reflect these changes and I do think that is so important.  It is hard when they leave home but if you shift the relationship accordingly you will find that they want to come back and visit often. 

Those of you who are on facebook already know that my news is that I am to become a Children's Champion for UNICEF.  This is the little project that has been in discussion for a while.  This role will extend my deepen my activist role with the organisation and I consider it a huge honour.  I am also in discussion about setting up a UNICEF fundraising group for the Scottish islands but you will have to keep an eye on the facebook page for Scottish island mum to see if that is confirmed.  There are two options with this project.  The first is that the virtual group is limited to people who live on the Scottish isles and the second option is that the whole project is run through Scottish island mum which includes networking with the other Scottish islanders but also includes readers of Scottish island mum.   A decision has not yet been made but I will post details on the facebook page as soon as we have news on this. 

I will be working with Scottish MPs to push the UNICEF agenda and the changes that we need to see in Scotland.  This includes a huge commitment to supporting children from poorer families and ensuring access to good education for all.  I will also be working with MPs out of Whitehall on issues of international development.  So, at the end of Scottish island mum it is like the final piece of jigsaw has slotted into place.  Tomorrow I will spend some time looking back to see just how all this came about.  It is my story but it involves all of you and is, I think, truly remarkable. 

Until tomorrow.  xx

Day 363 - al things positive. xx

Sunday 29th December

A quiet but very cold day on the island as we begin to welcome 2014 into our lives.  My 2014 is already taking shape at some pace as projects seem to be falling into place with very little encouragement.  Let us hope that momentum continues well into the year.  The seasonal kindness blog is ready to go from the 1st January so I am still checking that places I plan to visit have wifi so I can do my daily post.  Somethings never change.  Is it possible to become obsessed with challenges?   I think so as I am wondering about my 30 day rewilding fitness programme which might just kill me.  Harry is going to guide me through it at ground level so I feel a bit more reassured by that.  I do think that fitness in the great outdoors is the way forward so I am hoping that the programme will inspire Harry as well.  With a plant based diet underpinning the programme Harry tells me that I will be a completely different shape at the end of the 30 days.  I am not wild about my current shape so I am totally open to a change. 

The response to yesterdays blog blew me across the room last night as people seem attracted to the little box of sunshine kindness programme and I have many of  you joining me on this quest.  It has obviously captured our imaginations and that can only be a good thing.

I did plan to plant up my spring bulbs into their little pots today but the day rather raced ahead of me.  I had a truly inspirational hour reading the latest edition of the Positive News publication.  What a joyful publication it is as it is packed with good news for a change.  My favourite this month was the report that the short haired bumble bee has been pulled back from extinction in the UK by an excellent project in Kent.  This is the area that Molly lives her life in and I can see why. How completely thrilling to be involved in such a project and to know that you have made a difference. 

With lots of exam revision already in place Molly an I can now start working on her blog.  The plan is to reshape it to reflect her changing experiences and understandings.  I always thought that putting conservation and story telling together was a winning combination so I am really looking forward to see where Molly takes it next. 

I have had the complete pleasure of working with another Mollie this afternoon as we continue her preparations for her interview at the Royal Conservatoire of Scotland.  This is a lengthy and demanding process and today we were doing a critique of her short film.  I will post a link to it on the facebook page for Scottish island mum in due course as she just wants to make some changes first.  I find young people so incredibly inspiring and being able to start putting something back by supporting them in their projects is so rewarding.  Mollie is just starting out on her film making career but her intentions and aspirations are so exciting that I am sure her future will be very bright indeed. 

I am hoping that you have all had a lovely Christmas and are looking forward to the new year.  Next week I am off island as I tackle the most testing experience of my life thus far so I am using this time to get my head round it and prepare.  It might be fair to say that Scottish island mum likes words but next week every single word that I utter could well make a massive difference to the life of someone else. I am not sure the stakes could be higher so I need to choose my words very carefully indeed.

Until tomorrow.  xx

Day 362 - little box of sunshine. xx

Saturday 28th December

It is all calm and quiet on the island after the recent storms and it seems quite alien.  There are a lot of repairs being tackled before the next storm is due and life seems to be getting back to normal after Christmas.  January is one of my favourite months of the year as it is the time when I get organised for my year ahead.  I try not to have too many expectations for the month and let the planning happen as organically as possible.  This year I am using one of Waverly Fitzgerald's ebooks to help with my thinking because 2014 promises to be such an important year.  Waverly is so good at asking the right questions at the right time and sometimes we all need an outside perspective.  January is the month for new journals with virgin pages just begging to be filled.  It is also the time when I start to make some decisions about what to grow for the coming season.  With 'With Love from Arran' already blessed with completed designs I am thinking January might just be possible this year.  My etsy shop is almost ready to open as well as I begin a more conscious effort to get my craft work online. 

At the eleventh hour of this remarkable project I get a whole flurry of emails full of concerns over the end of this blog.  I love that so many of you have a ritual of settling down with a cup of tea to read Scottish island mum and I feel sad that this ritual will be over.  I still think that it is amazing that I have managed to blog every day for a year and that I have so many loyal readers.  But I believe it is time to move forward and for Scottish island mum to become a bit more focused and the new site promises to do just that.  She is gently waking in a small corner of the world wide web and beginning to take a form that I think will work for 2014.  I would like Scottish island mum to go through a shedding exercise annually so that she can stay fresh and relevant.  I also want the new site to re-establish a dialogue with its readers as well as seeking out new readers.  I am planning for the current site to stay up as an archive and will put the link to the new site on here once it is ready.  If you want to keep up with developments during her dark time you will need to hit the 'like' button on the facebook page. 

Readers of the facebook page will also witness my 30 day rewilding fitness challenge in all its glory.  It would be lovely if the reach of the new Scottish island mum could be extended once she is back online so any sharing by you guys will be greatly appreciated. 

I have agreed to take on a 365 challenge for 2014 and that focuses on my gifts of seasonal kindness project that I have mentioned before.  The idea behind the project is to consider and offer one act of kindness for each day of the year that reflects the changes in seasons.  Research for this project is already quite advanced and the hope is that the 2014 blog will feed into a book to be published in 2015.   I have used tumblr for this project because I think this platform suits shorter blog posts and the technology runs well on mobile devices.  If you want to join me on this challenge visit the Seasonal Kindness blog and hit the 'follow' button on the top right part of the screen. 

I have a developing view of this global wave of kindness that is known as random acts of kindness.  I think there is definitely a place for these random acts and  I will be including examples in my blog.  But I also believe there is more space for considered acts of kindness towards people we know.  I am sure we all know people that are having a difficult time and sometimes these people are harder to offer kindness to than complete strangers.  If we know the person it is likely that we can anticipate their reaction and, thus, more considered thought is required.  I am running several projects of kindness next year with  the view to evaluating them at the end of the year.  The little birthday box  is the simplest and, I think, less problematic than the others.  This is about replacing birthday gifts with small postal boxes full of little things that make a birthday special.  The idea is that I will send some of these boxes to people who might not expect a gift from me and I see that as an important part of the year in which I turn 50. 

The goodwill box is another scheme that I will run through One soul many hearts and Scottish island mum.  These are boxes that are sent to individuals and families who just need a little lift in life.  These boxes aim to show people that other people care and want to do something to help.  The final scheme is my little box of sunshine and these are very much geared at individuals who are finding life tough and are also struggling to focus on the good things in life.  I find myself surrounded by people who suffer from depression and I consider myself very fortunate that I have never experienced this very complex illness.  I know that receiving a little box of sunshine is not the cure for depression but it might just let these people know that someone cares and that, in itself, might trigger some progress. 

Some of you are asking me if you can help with these schemes and you just know the answer will be yes!  If you have any unwanted Christmas gifts that are inexpensive to post I will gladly take them for use in one or other of the schemes.  I am also looking for yellow things for my little box of sunshine and preferably handmade items.  Simple things like knitted egg cosies or fabric hearts or even yellow card printed with uplifting messages. It really doesn't have to be much and everything that is offered is truly welcomed.  I have started a Pinterest board of yellow things that would be appropriate if that helps.  If any of you want to join in the Goodwill box or the little box of sunshine scheme I will have some printables to share and then you can get underway.  I will then be able to speak to you regularly through the year to see how your schemes are running.  All the schemes will then be evaluated at the end of the year as part of my book research.  I think it is an exciting project that possibly asks as many questions as it answers but, I hope, makes a genuine difference to other people who need a little extra support. 

Being kind is not as easy as we all think it is going to be.  It is riddled with potholes to fall into when there are good intentions but the acts have not been thought through well enough.  I am an example of someone who does not receive kindness easily.  It provokes very strong emotions and I would much rather give than receive kindness.  There are also people out there who are very proud and I call them Mr Perks from the Railway Children.  The key to a successful kind act is enhanced sensitivity and empathy or, at the very least, informed sympathy.  Matching the act with the person is also a consideration as is the timing of the act.  So, there is a lot of work to be done if I am to produce a book that is truly useful in moving this natural swell in kindness on to a place where there is a much greater chance of success.  I also want the book to be full of practical acts of kindness that benefit others, ourselves and the planet we live on.  Do get in touch if you would like to help in anyway and don't forget to follow the Seasonal Kindness blog. 

So, there is a lot our little community of Scottish island mum followers can do while the main site is dark.  Meantime, I will be writing away on the new site and hoping that you all approve when it is live.  I am feeling the weight of this responsibility but I have listened to all your feedback and that has helped shape my thinking.  It is an exciting time for Scottish island mum and I am quite sure I owe that entirely to you guys.....

Until tomorrow.  xx

Day 361 - little boats drifting away. xx

Friday 27th December

We got well and truly battered last night and there is yet more damage to the smallholding.  I have never known such a dreadful run of big storms to hit the island and I think we have all had quite enough now.  In the middle of it the emergency helicopter was forced to negotiate a landing and then take off as someone needed emergency care.  It is in times like this that you absolutely know that you are living on a small island. 

Cocooned in the house over the festive period the 27th always signals the start of a time of reflection in the few days until the new year beckons.  I am ridiculously excited about 2014 but I don't want to charge head long into this new year before I reflected on the current one.  2013 has been a barnstorming year with so many developments and new things.  I can't be anything but incredibly thankful and I will bottle this feeling and keep it for evermore.  I am currently working on that bottle of fabulous things and will share it with you just before the year turns.

I can now tell you that the new Scottish island mum has come into being on a quiet shore of the world wide web where she will remain until she is ready to spread her wings.  She is sitting on her site and studying the growing structure with interest.  Let's face it the new Scottish island mum could go off in lots of different directions so the structure becomes the single thing that needs pegging before any content can be added.  Essentially, it is important to remember the essence of the site as one that belongs entirely to me and my place in this world.  It is, however, more than musing and reflections as it rests it's ambitions in a lifestyle context. There is a lot of competition out there is lifestyle blog land so it is important for Scottish island mum to find her own, unique, space. 

Your feedback over recent weeks have guided this process with a steady and informed hand and I will be forever grateful.  Blogging does more than just reflect life.  A committed and dedicated blogger places the process at the heart of the thinking mind and the feeling soul.  Blogging allows us to stare at things for longer than we otherwise might and this ensures a growing and developed perspective on life. 

I will now be my usual brutal self and tell you that that causes some problems.  You start to see things that you might have, otherwise, missed and not all of these things are welcome.  By definition the personal blog falls into aspect of our world that are not always attractive.  If you marry these experiences up with the inevitable inward looking that goes hand in hand with personal blogging you can be left quite dis-orientated.  Looking back on my year of blogging I can spot the times where I have stumbled across something that I am not sure about it and it has caused me to question.  Reflecting on this I would say that my 2012 may have had a lot to do with this.  In that year I took a 12 month dharma on Buddhism and it constantly questioned and stretched my understanding of humanity.  Studying issues such as ego and compassion in real depth inevitably leads to a change of perspective.  If I put 2012 and 2013 together I can now clearly see changes in me that are quite fundamental.  These changes have not only asked questions of me but those around me and I now find myself in a new place and it is not a place I am, at all, familiar with.  Inhabiting this new place with fundamental changes to the way I view the world is, I think, quite isolating. 

I am not necessarily using the word isolating in a negative way as I strive to feel more comfortable in my new place.  The most obvious change rests in what I now view as important.  What we hold as important helps to shape who we are and how we are viewed and understood by others.  By placing humanitarian issues at the centre of my being I may have lost contact with some people who have known me for most of my life.  My motivations have changed and my perspective on others has changed as well.  I remember when Molly went on her first RSPB placement for two weeks.  She was really emotional when it came to the time to leave.  I understood that as her being in the company of people where, for the first time in her life, no translation was required.  She understood them and they understood her.  That is what I need to seek now.  In shedding so much that was Fiona I have failed to migrate towards people that understand this new place I find myself in.  It is not a total picture though because there are clearly lots of people out there that think in a similar way to me, not least many of my Scottish island mum readers. 

So, my review for these few precious days before the new year enters our perspectives is to reflect on people I have met along the way on this transformational journey and ensure that my connections with them are secure.  Perhaps Waverly Fitzgerald is my best example and this was obvious to me when I read her recent newsletter.  Not only do we dwell on similar things in this world but we also face similar challenges in our professional world.  No translation needed there. 

This reflection might well lead to me waving a gentle and loving goodbye to some people as it becomes clear that we don't connect as we used to and our lives have moved in different directions.  Those that have known me a long time know that I have a tendency to 'collect people' and rarely let them go.  My sabbatical in the middle of 2013 and my more recent shedding exercise has made me realise that I do need to let some people go if I am to make the contribution to the world that I think my humanity requires of me.  I can't help wondering if others feel the same as we welcome a new year? Buddhism teaches us that we should surround ourselves with positive minds that lift us up and enable us to be the best person we can.  It also teaches us how to spot egos that are over-rated.  I take from this that my pathway into 2014 and beyond will be, by definition, much quieter than was my way but also much more compassionate and understanding.  Within that I intend to follow a perennial Buddhist practice which tells us that if we have done all we can for someone but we remain disconnected we should put them in a little boat and let them sail away without us.  Wise words. 

Until tomorrow. xx

Day 360 - Let me think about it. xx

Thursday 26th December

As she wandered the light changed and signalled the beginning.  What she couldn't figure out though was what beginning?  It might be the beginning of something new or it might be the beginning of the end.  Her days had become etched with sadness so the thought of a beginning echoed in her heart and spoke to the light that began to move between the dark clouds. 

She wanted roses on silver grass and she wanted candle light to wash her while she lay perfectly still.  Without these things her days were sad. 

Love had escaped her grip and now her she wandered among the lapping water and she knew she didn't need them anymore.  She didn't need the curls in her hair and she didn't need the pity in the eyes.  She needed the roses with the silver light.

Turning her face to the light she felt pressure inside her head and she could sense the madness just as she sensed the light.  Welcoming the light made welcoming the madness with the rainbow colours that sunk into the sea.  The madness needed rescuing so she allowed that to sit for a while as a gentle smile appeared. 

She knew that smile and she knew that face.  If she scratched that face would it bleed?  Perhaps she needed it to bleed a deep red colour and then maybe the roses would appear?  Too many questions and too much blood.  She hated blood as it made her inhale but forget to exhale. 

Deciding against the scratching she stroked instead and the smile grew more alive than before.  The danger seemed to be moving away through a window that let the rainbow in.  It was all in the clue of the rainbow in the window and the blood on the face but still she wandered.  Knowing that in the wandering would come the end of the beginning that she was searching. 

She was not alone in her search and if she held out her hand others would join her but she did not hold out her hand.  Her steps became smaller and in the distance the light began to change.

'Off with her head' was heard in the distant hills but still her steps grew smaller and the world bigger.  Seizing her moment she began to run and she ran until her heart bled.  There was no pleasure to be had back there and rescuing the madness was all that mattered to her.  The escape was on and the growing anger spread around every breath that had ever been taken.  Suddenly the wandering had more purpose beyond just red roses on silver stems. 

Reality blurred with dreams and running became walking once more.  Rescuing became even more important and the image of the red roses was disappearing as it should.  Never had she felt more evil; never had she seen more evil.  But from the crowd came the speaking that sent shivers into the freezing water as chaos began to take hold.  The final battle was almost upon us but the players need to assemble as quickly as the speaking spread.  In the distance marched her friends as happiness echoed in the clouds and an unsaid understanding was uniting the players. 

'Let me think about it.'

'After all this has all come from my own mind.'

'I will miss you when I wake up.'

But suddenly she knew it was all real.  It was just too ridiculous to be a dream.  Chasing a dream was meaningless but chasing reality made much more sense.  The final battle came into view.  White versus red and now she understood the significance of the red roses.  She preferred the white as the red spread like a pool of blood escaping into the sea.  In the redness the trump card was played early and the fear spread through every soul as it appeared from the distance.  I believe the impossible though and that has to be my ultimate weapon as the whiteness makes its stand. 

This was not the beginning of the end after all.  Six impossible things before breakfast makes me believe that even the impossible is possible.  As the white bleeds into the red it is impossible to see any victory.  All she wanted was a fair fight and true self belief.  If she believed she could win this battle she would, indeed, win. 

'Off with his head' and this time the head did leave the body and with it the rainbow came out of the window. 

'You will not have a friend in the world'  escaped her lips as the whiteness moved between the sea and the clouds.  The madness took one more bow before departing leaving her with a choice.  Should she step into this new beginning or stay in the madness without the red roses. 

'How could I forget' sung from the branches of every singed tree that reached out to take her on her final journey.  Climbing onto the wet grass she looked to the sky. 

'I happen to love rabbits and I will find something useful to do with my life.'

And then there was a blue butterfly.  Of course there was.  Let 2014 be a year of blue butterflies. 



Until tomorrow.  xx

Day 359 - Always in the moments. xx

Wednesday 25th December

Christmas day is always about moments so I thought I would share Scottish island mum's moments

The moment you wake up to a cup of tea and listen for sounds that the children are awake.

The realisation that this is unlikely at 8am.

The first 'Merry Christmas' from a child with three to follow.

Anticipating an embarrassing moment as your daughter opens underwear in front of her brothers.

The realisation that she just brushes that off in her usual way and we all smile.

In the second when the world stops as you open a present from your child that is so full of thoughtfulness and love that the tears flow all by themselves.

The twin moments of beautiful weaving and crochet snowflakes that show how much friends care.

The very special moment when your eldest son wraps his ageing dog in a Christmas blanket and you fight back the tears.

As family arrives and the pop comes out of the freezer because you forgot to chill it earlier.

The realisation that after pulling one cracker your body won't let you repeat the task.

That moment being brushed away as the stupid hat goes on the head.

As your mother opens her present to see the most beautiful beaded dragonfly brooch.

And her partners clearly loves his gingerbread door hanging and you are pleased.

As afternoon turns to evening and everyone finds their own space to be quiet and unwind.

The gentle retreat to bed and the switching off of the light. 

Until tomorrow.  xx

Day 358 - It made me smile. xx

Tuesday 24th December

Christmas eve on the island is a lovely day.  There is none of that mad rushing about that is such a big feature of living on the mainland and everyone is all festive and cheerful.  I always leave a lot of my food shopping until today because I am a tight Scottish island mum and I know the Co-op reduces a lot of its stock on Christmas eve.  I also checked the weather forecast and could see that there were just about enough boats to keep the supermarket stocked but that most people would panic and buy that bit earlier this year.  I was right on both counts so Pete and I hovered up the bargains in a relatively quiet shop before having a lingering coffee at the Douglas. We also take the view that if something we want is not on the shelf we just grab something else.  I have tried my absolute best not to get swept up in the buying culture this year and will be trying even harder next year.  A dear friend sent me an email to wish me Happy Christmas and happy midwinter and it made me smile.  He obviously knows me very well. 

With everything now ready I am relaxing into my festivities with my family and just enjoying some time off.  There are no immediate deadlines to chase and I have cleared all my writing assignments just in time.  Molly is, of course, still revising but that is her way and who am I to comment!  I think I have found this Christmas particularly demanding because of my recent work with international charities.  When people have so little it is hard to see the spending culture that we have in this country. Over coffee, Pete and I talked about how our Christmas might change going forward as all our children are much older now.  We also talked about the significance of the winter solstice and how that might be reflected more in what we do. 

I have had lots of emails commenting on my idea for a little box of sunshine and I will be featuring that on the new Scottish island mum site sometime in the new year.  I have been struck by just how many friends are struggling this year and the hope is that these little boxes will just let them know that we care and that we are thinking of them. 

Your kind messages for Donna will also be appreciated when she is home.  I am hoping that she has made it into surgery this afternoon and will be home tomorrow.  Spending Christmas in hospital doesn't sound like  much fun and I am sure her family are desperate to get her home.   I feel for the children not being able to do their Christmas eve traditions with their mother. 

Our traditions are quite simple and much the same as most other families.  A few years back the children all decorated the base of a cardboard box and that is what is placed on their end of the sofa for Father Christmas to leave their parcels in.  Father Christmas has been a bit naughty this year and left all their presents in my bedroom to wrap.  This is a little lazy of him but I will forgive him if he returns this evening to put them all in the right places.  I am not blaming Rudolf though so he will still get his carrot.  I am still thinking about whether  Father Christmas should get his mince pie and nip of ginger wine.....

With one grown up daughter and three teenage boys in the house we don't have to worry about 6am calls in the morning.  We are lucky if we can get them out of bed much before 9am.  Pete and I have a cup of tea in bed in the morning and listen for the first movements from one of the bedrooms.  This year we shall Mimi for company and, yes, she does have her own presents to open.  I do worry about myself sometimes. 

My mother and Hamish will join us for lunch and then there is the famous falling asleep in front of the television in the afternoon.  I never fall asleep during the day but then I never normally eat lunch so you see the consequence.   Pete normally spoils me at Christmas but I specifically asked for that not to happen this year so he bought me a rewilding fitness programme instead.  January will be an interesting month with my plant based diet and my exercise programme based in the great outdoors.   It is a good job I won't be blogging because I sense some moaning for the duration. 

Certain things will happen tomorrow.  Molly will take charge of the TV remote, I will get tipsy on two glasses of wine, Pete will fail to get the cracker end of the cracker pull, Harry will get all the cracker ends and the best prizes, George will sleep the longest and Max will talk to his father constantly as Christmas lunch is being prepared.  I wouldn't have it any other way.

Scottish island mum wishes each and every one of you a very Merry Christmas.  xx

Until tomorrow.  xx

Day 357 - little box of sunshine. xx

Monday 23rd December

Two sleeps left until Christmas morning and I have dutifully swept my chimney and had a good tidy up so as to impress Father Christmas.  Today has been another gentle day spent in little preparations for Christmas and I am almost ready.  When I get to this stage it all slows up and we are in the danger zone.  This consists of too much chocolate sitting around begging to be eaten and short dark days that don't encourage me outside.  It must be Christmas.

I have been giggling at the various facebook friends as they describe their battles in the supermarket.  This occupation is to be avoided at all costs because it sounds ghastly.  We are very reserved in our family when it comes to food and try and keep it simple.  With family coming for Christmas lunch we do have an extra special lunch but we resist the temptation to buy lots of sweet things that make us feel like rubbish after we have eaten them.  The gifts of chocolate tend to be eaten quickly because there are six of us and our only real indulgence is cheese. 

Beyond Christmas preparations I have been doing some new networking which I always enjoy.  I am getting to the stage when the same people are popping up on all my network sites and it is beginning to feel like a family.  Scottish island mum is about family so this sits well with me.  My latest network is through About.me and I have spent some time setting up my page and making my connections.  First impressions tell me that this is a good network because so much is integrated in the software making connections that much easier.  I smile when I see the same names popping up there as I have on my Twitter and Google+ accounts.  There are a small group of very happening ladies that are very switched on and we all seem to be inhabiting the same spaces.  I think social networking is a bit like marmite but I love marmite. 

Living on a small island I have found networking to be central to my daily life.  I don't leave the island very often so being able to connect with like minded individuals is very engaging.  It also spans the globe and I love that aspect of it as well.    As my thinking for the new Scottish island mum develops I am reflecting on how I might embrace this further.  People that live on the Scottish islands interest me as many move there with a range of intentions.  Of course some are born there and never leave.  Making a living on a small island sets up its own challenges and I am fascinated about how people make that work.  My ambition for 2013 was to shift my working life online and I have managed that really well.  I am also aware that being a mum on a Scottish island has its own separate challenges and I wonder if a network specifically for Scottish island mums would be welcome?  It could be an excellent place to share, chat and maybe even start some joint projects.....can you feel me thinking? 

I am about to start offering blogger workshops using Skype as a couple of readers want to start their own blog.  It is a good idea because the tutorials out there are not that easy to follow. I see blogging as an important part of our world now as it gives all of us a platform to write about what we are passionate about.  It gives substance to social networking and I love reading other people's blogs.  I am particularly drawn to lifestyle blogs that reflect the personality of the writer.  One of my favourites is The Londoner.  It paints a completely different life from the one I live but that, I think, is the attraction.  Beyond that I tend to follow blogs that have similar interests to mine and I am currently working on an editorial that will be profiling these during the month of January on One soul many hearts. 

I have also spent some time gently working on my 365 seasonal gifts of kindness project.  Mindful that Scottish island mum goes dark in January I want to share one gift for each day of that month on my Scottish island facebook page.  That way the project can get underway while the blog is being migrated.  I have designed some pintables for my random acts of kindness, the goodwill boxes and two other versions of kindness boxes.  The first is the 'little box of sunshine' which is a small box full of yellow things that will be sent to people who need a bit of sunshine in their lives.  The second is the 'little box of birthday' which is a small box filled with things to make people's birthdays extra special.  Someone very special to me has a birthday in January so she will be the first recipient of this box.  I am still working on my final box which is designed for people who are poorly.  Ideally I would like to roll this scheme out across the island so that we could make a difference to people's lives when they are struggling.  In order to do that I would need to attract some sponsorship from local businesses so I am going to start some gentle conversations and see where that takes me.  Please don't forget that I am looking for unwanted Christmas presents.  If you open a present and get that feeling that it is not for you then remember me because I can put it to very good use as part of our Goodwill boxes.  Just message me for my address and then pop it in the post.  You will then be part of this kindness project which seems to have a life of its own. 

Someone asked me today about the brand that is Scottish island mum and that has prompted some new design work.  I do not ever want Scottish island mum to become a corporate brand complete with logo and letterhead.  I also don't want it to be a site that just reviews stuff because they leave me cold.  I want Scottish island mum to continue to evolve in an organic way that maintains a strong dialogue with its readers and this aspiration is easier said than done.  I am trying to combine that strategy with looking ahead a little in my mind's eye to see what Scottish island mum might become in the future.  I can't help seeing a badge in front of my eyes and that takes me back to the point I made about networking with other mums who live on Scottish islands.....

So, in amongst the final preparations for Christmas day little thoughts continue to swill around and the hope is that by the end of January all will be revealed. Tis the plan anyway.

Until tomorrow.  xx

 

Day 356 - she likes to sit in the shower. xx

Sunday 22nd December

At last I have created my inner sanctuary.  I know I have the joy of a studio tucked away in a woodland glade and I should just be thankful for that but I have always had the inkling to create and inner sanctuary.  All too often our bedroom becomes the overflow car park for all my making stuff and stock, well not anymore it doesn't.  Today my bedroom fought back and after far too many hours and a little bit of gentle swearing I now have an inner sanctuary when I can disappear to on cold evenings.  Outside the room is a rather large box full of things for the local charity shops and my slimed down bedroom is all puffed up.  Pete will hate it because there is pink poking out of every corner but I am feeling like pink is my new purple.  I am not normally very girly but I think I got a bit carried away. 

The only books that survived the cull are those that offer uplifting reading in one form or another.  My perfectly formed book shelves move between the wonderful work of Hannah Frank, through to Dakini Power and finally rest at Peter Rabbit.  I would say that is a job worth done.  My Edwardian writing desk that I bought in my 20s has been dusted down and placed in the bay window with a view down to the sea.  A fresh journal for 2014 is sitting there with it's pencil waiting for January 1st to come around and I have one of Angie's cushions all ready to assist in some comfort as the writing begins.  January is to be my month of writing so it was a timely intervention to create a space where I have a view to the sea.  I am anticipating quite a lot of internal battles in my writing during that month and a quick gaze at the sea usually pulls me round. 

In yet another slimming down of my personal possessions I can see much more clearly what is important to me.  I have spent 2013 culling so much of myself in an attempt to strip life back to what is important.  My recent work with international charities makes me stop and stare at my house and all the things in it and wonderful whether new homes, that are more deserving, need to be found.  My capsule wardrobe experience that many of you will remember from earlier in the year works just fine especially when I am on the island.  It is a bit more tricky when I enter the other world but I have managed somehow and will continue to do so.  Apart from replacing a few worn out items I have not bought any clothes in 2013 and that feels pretty good. 

I had also culled my books earlier in the year and have not regretted that either.  I do need to do the same with my ibooks but that is for another day.  Any jewellery that was precious has already been handed down to Molly so I am really starting to feel like a lean mean fighting machine.  If Pete and I are to successfully downsize in the future we will be grateful for all this letting go of things.  The trick now is not to start acquiring new things. 

Max is doing much better and thank you very much for all the kind messages.  He will be right side up for Christmas and now I have everything crossed that no one else gets it.  Donna will be really touched when she hears how many people have messaged to wish her well.  It is the dreaded gallstones I am afraid and we are just waiting on a decision on treatment.  What a year she has had and it has reminded me about the importance of good health. 

Pete and I will be starting our rewilding fitness programme on the 1st January which includes a plant based diet.  I am already having withdrawal symptoms about some the foods that will be excluded.   I do love a challenge so there will be no cheating from me but I will probably have to set up CCTV at Pete's work to monitor his progress.  He reads my blog so that he knows what is going on in my head and will be smiling now......am I right Pete? 

So, as the big day approaches calm is being restored in the house and I am hoping that is enough excitement for a while.  Once Donna is treated and home all will be well in Scottish island mum land and we can get on with enjoying Christmas.  I am not sure Christmas and my cat, Mimi, are the best combination and we are already having to change certain traditions as this will be her first Christmas with us.  I am enjoying Mimi continuing to impress her personality on the world.  Her latest preoccupation is truly wonderful.  In fear that I might leave her alone on the bed to have a shower in the morning she has taken to leaping ahead of me only to be found sitting in the shower.  No, I have not switched it on.....I felt you thinking that!  Mimi has the kind of personality that tells the world that she is more important than anyone or anything.  I secretly like that about her.  But then there was a moment the other day when I suddenly started crying (someone had said something incredibly kind to me) and she stopped in her tracks and spun round to look at my face before leaping onto my lap and brush her cheeks against mine.  That's my girl.
 


Until tomorrow.  xx

Day 355 - it hasn't gone as planned. xx

Saturday 21st December

As winter solstice arrive so did the drama.  I always like to spend the winter solstice quietly and peacefully but this year there were other vibes roaming around.  They began late last night when Max was violently sick and that particular vibe lasted all night and into this afternoon.  I have never seen him so poorly but he was really brave about it all and Pete and I ran about the house all night and sleep escaped us all.  Late yesterday an even worse vibe reared its ugly wee head as my lovely Donna (who you all know) was admitted to hospital in a great deal of pain.  Surgery looks likely but as I write this I am still waiting to hear.  Mimi dutifully responded to the bad vibes and attempted to pee on the sofa and I felt that that rather summed up the day. 

Pete, George and Harry had to go to work for most of the day to help get a property ready for Christmas guests and once Max was more stable I had to do the same.  We are now home and wondering which way is up.  I understand that the boat sailed late this afternoon for thee first time but the next week weather forecast suggests that there won't be many more boats.  Who spun the bottle to make life suddenly so challenging?  I am thinking that Mimi knows but she is not telling me. 

Winter solstice is a time for reflection before welcoming the return of the light but I think I ran a day ahead and did all that yesterday.  It is normally my favourite day of the year but I think we shall just erase this one from memory.  That said the winter solstice is a festival of rebirth and I am definitely up for that.  Many of my friends use today as a day for gathering.  Gathering eternal greens from the  hedgerows dresses a lovely table as they gather their friends and family around to celebrate.  Once around the table the only light is a single candle in the middle as hands join and thoughts rest for a while.  Then one by one candles are lit around the room and they welcome the light back into their lives.  Not quite how our day has gone but that is life sometimes.

I might be alone in feeling a little sad as the light begins to relight my darkness because I love the darkness and always have done.  Winter is, by far, my favourite season and at this midwinter time I like to spend it as alone as possible.  For me it is a time to enjoy the  totality of the darkness and all that is offers us.  It is a space to cocoon into wrapped in blankets and the silence is so comforting for me.  I do my best thinking in the dark as my mind is less distracted by visual preoccupations and, thus, concentration is heightened.  My soul walking experiences of recent days have all been done in total darkness and I feel that I have reached deep into my subconscious mind and discovered new things. 

The world uses darkness to sleep in most cases but there are some of us that are at our most wakeful.  My illness makes sleep a difficult occupation so I am often quite alone in the darkness and I have learned to use the time well.  I have taught myself 'dream incubation' which is an ancient skill that requires a question to be asked just as you feel sleep turning the corner.  With practice you should then begin to explore that question in a dream state.  I sometimes write the question down and place it under my pillow.  As soon as I wake I can remember pieces of the dream and I record these very quickly.  Sometimes it takes a long time for the whole dream to be revealed. 

The idea is that you view the dream as a play and record it accordingly.  You must resist the temptation to analyse the dream by focusing on your own place in it.  This will lead to your ego starting to corrupt the analysis.  Instead, you focus on the play as a whole noting all the players, the plot and the ending.  If the dream is seen as a play the analysis becomes much easier as messages speak through the play.  Only after you have completed the analysis should you return to the original question in search of connections and possible answers. 

Dream incubation is an ancient practice but it is essentially meditation in sleep and if you develop good skills in wakeful meditation you will be able to incubate dreams.  It is my belief that these two practices lead to a more grounded individual who is able to reflect rather than react and thus use their informed instincts much more readily.  Perhaps it is a little clearer why I like the darkness. 

I am aware that there are a lot of you who do not like the darkness and therefore the winter solstice is a time for hope.  Hope is like your Christmas paper chain.  Each link offers more hope and so on so I am happy to emerge from the darkness and add my hope to the chain.  I have a few specifics if they could be tolerated.  I hope for a world where people think more and react less.  I also hope for a world that reaches out rather than looks inwards.  Finally, I hope that the human race begin to remember what life is really about and lets go of unnecessary preoccupations that starve our souls. 

I don't hope for much then!!

Until tomorrow.  xx

Day 354 - time to spread the feeling. xx

Friday 20th December


The day before the shortest day of the year and someone has switched winter on.  If you have three pairs of socks on and fingerless gloves but you can still see your breath is it time to put the heating on? We live in a  rather large farmhouse which is very old and so takes quite a bit of heating.  I hate putting the heating on because you can almost see your money going up in smoke. I prefer to manage with small heaters in the bedrooms and our open fire.  But, I have to admit I am cold today as the now icy winds continue to blast the island.  A little sneak at the forecast tells me we might just get some snow at lower levels this side of Christmas.  We lost our gentle little rabbit this morning so we are all a little sad.  She was over 7 years old and had the best of lives but it was her time today. 

Today has been a day that I didn't expect so soon and I am left with that lovely feeling you get when a plan comes together.  Let me tell you all that the quietly closing of doors and gentle fire fighting was worth it because 2014 is taking shape so clearly that I fear I might be missing something.  January is my month for planning but suddenly everything fell into place all at once.  My experience of blogging every day for a year tells me that this is just the framework and I understand that but it is at the points of connections that I see the strength in the framework that should see me into 2014 and beyond. 

The first thing to fall into place was the designs for next years products.  Suddenly we have 'with love from arran,' whimsical willow' and 'buds & blooms' to design for but it was important that they flowed from the same space. Three large design sheets later and they have not only managed to achieve that but they also point towards a creative direction that has been brewing for some time.  If you want to see the ideas that have influenced my creative thinking check out the following Pinterest boards -

Dreams with lace
Whimsical Willow
Buds and Blooms

Taking the theme of lace and dreams I have managed to produce three design sheets that work across all three parts of the business while holding on to the key design concepts.  This process normally takes weeks but I have been mulling things over in my mind and then it all came in a rush.    Excellent.  This now puts me ahead for the year giving me longer to source supplies. 

The gentle nod of a new direction is also evident across my design sheets.  I have been tinkering with the concept of upcycling for a while and I want to start reflecting that more in my creative work.  I am also extending that interest to coincide with a new community shop that is opening in the village next Easter.  This shop will produce upcycled items for sale and the profits will benefit the village.   With these two areas aligned I can offer some items within my collection for sale online while also do some voluntary upcycling for the village.  My own collection will be primarily available on etsy as I plan to re-open my shop by the spring.  I am even in discussion with someone who would like to include Buds and Blooms in their base on the island.  You will see a plan beginning to come together. 

That should be enough to get excited about for one day but it goes on.  I have also been mulling over the next phase of One soul many hearts site now its trial months are coming to an end.  Beyond that I have the fairly mammoth tasks of planning the new Scottish island mum.  The latter has threatened to engulf my very being as it swills around in my aging brain.   Let me tell you that my stumbled across 'soul walking' techniques have offered me a sense of clarity that I am incredibly grateful for.  I have always been very clear about the difference between the two sites.  One soul many hearts is essentially a sharing platform and Scottish island mum is a personal blog.  That works fine until you add into the mix a desire to convert Scottish island mum into a lifestyle blog.  The danger is that the two sites begin to become confused.  Well not anymore they don't as some more pieces of large paper and a very large mug of tea saw the two sites take their new forms.....how exciting!

We have now hit a bit of a snag though as if they are both to become what is outlined on those pieces of paper there is much work to be done.  By now you will have figured out that with the design work for my collections already done I have freed up far more time to work on my virtual projects.  A little ahead of where I thought I would be I am now actively looking for a series of sub editors who can take on one of the pages when the revised site emerges from its Christmas festivities.  These editors will help to drive the site forward and in return their own projects/work will have increased readership.  I am hoping to do a little post on the home page of One soul many hearts to let everyone know what these roles entail and also what pages have come through the trial well and will feature in the revised site.  Meantime if you are interested in taking on some editing work do get in touch.  I would be thrilled if at least one of the sub editors was a young person. 

The simpler of the two sites was always going to be One soul many hearts.  Scottish island mum is another story completely.  I won't deny that the last week has been a challenge and some of the e-mails have made me stop in my tracks a little but all that was swept away when one reader took the time to do me a very long but incredibly useful critique of the site as it stands now.  This reader stumbled upon Scottish island mum early in the year and has read it every day since.  As the writer I feel that this type of person is best placed to comment.  And so a dialogue has been established and after many emails back and forth I now have a clear structure for the new site.  More than that though I have a clear sense of the potential of Scottish island mum.  Within that I now know which topics make the best reading as blog material and which topics would be better placed in ebooks and/or courses.  This particular reader is not alone in telling me that I should be aiming to make an income from some of what I do as readers have been telling me that for most of the year.  In areas such as education, meditating, growing/floristry and crafting I have a great deal of experience and in some cases this experience should now be working for me.  Today I finally got the message and have planned out the areas I hope to offer as ebooks and courses starting when the new site is ready.  My reluctance in this area has been focused on the authentic nature of Scottish island mum.  I set the project up to write every day for a year so I could see where that took me.  If a small income can now be added into the mix then this will allow me to do more of what I do. 

I owe all this to many of you who have taken so much of your precious time to give me feedback through the year and although this reader doesn't want to be named I will be grateful to her forever and a day.  I am incredibly excited about the new Scottish island mum as I can not find anything out there quite like it.  I believe that it will offer a more intimate space to ponder, learn and muse and I think that is exciting for all that belong to Scottish island mum. 

I also needed to take another hint that my experience and expertise in education is something that needs to be shared more widely.  Recent connections with the Scottish government and UNICEF have served to remind me of that and this is the final piece of my lovely plan coming together except I can't say anymore than that because discussions are still ongoing.  It is Christmas and so work environments have slowed up but discussions will resume in January and I hope that I can agree to a role that I feel offers something both to education in Scotland (and the UK) but is also of use within the context of international charity.  There is so much that needs doing that I had got a little lost in it all but the picture is clearing now and I have accepted that there will always be so much to do in the field of education.  I haven't forgotten my pledge to write an ebook focusing on quality education experiences that we can all engage in with our children.  Many of you have emailed asking me for further details.  All I can say is it is right in the front of my mind and will be the first ebook published from my site. 

Now what I need to do is pick this feeling of a plan coming together and gently blow it in the direction of a couple of dear friends who need this feeling right now.  If we take it back to my doors closing quietly description I would hope that that would mean other doors can now open.  My absolute favourite thing in the natural world is the dandelion seed head.  Let us just imagine that each tiny seed is a plan coming together through open doors and let us all blow as lightly as possible and let the wind do the rest.....

Until tomorrow.  xx

Day 353 - the dangers of making assumptions. xx

Thursday 19th December

After a pretty wild storm, today has been calmer although we know there is more to come.  I think we are OK, although I haven't been over the far fields to check for fallen trees.  This is a job for the boys I think. 

The Doubleday family is currently dealing with a poorly elderly rabbit so that is a little challenging.  Harry and George are still not recovered from their illness and we suddenly have a lot to do.  It is such a busy time of the year but I always have a day when I have a bit of a reaction to the whole Christmas experience.  This hasn't been as bad as in previous years and for two reasons.  Firstly we scaled our Christmas back this year and tried to simplified things and that feels much better.  We are not a Christian family so this is not a religious holiday for us but it is a time for family.  Secondly, I listened to an interview that Waverly Fitzgerald did recently about how she sees Christmas.  In the interview she talks about the winter solstice and the turning of the year with the shortest day and the bringing of light.  She also takes about her family traditions at Christmas which includes presents that are made, not bought.  As is often the case I find myself on a similar path to Waverly be her path in Seattle and mine on Arran.  I have made many of my Christmas presents this year and the striped back celebration feels right. 

The boys and I made our paper chain decorations this morning as we start to decorate above the table.  This little corner of our house has a view down to the sea and we always make a special effort with the space as Christmas day approaches.  I like the table to be decorated with natural decorations gathered from the smallholding and the hedgerows and this year I am making a dried rose hip centre piece which will be woven into some willow shapes to form a garland.  The odd grand prix red rose will just finish it off nicely.  I have the table decorated by Christmas eve and it stays like this through the holiday.  Afterwards the whole thing can go on the compost heap. 

I have been doing a little bit of fire fighting over the last few days dealing with inevitable fall out from withdrawing from so many projects all at once.  Mostly people have understood completely and I am grateful for this blog as it has allowed me the time and space to provide essential contextual information.  The fire fighting has mainly focused on people making assumptions about me without really giving due care or reflection.  I am guilty of that from time to time so I know how easily it is done.  It is fair to say that when you blog every day for a year your readers get to know quite a bit about you.  I have tried to stay authentic to the project and ensured that I talk about the most important things that have occurred and I think I have succeeded.  The issue is one of omission though.  Clearly I don't talk about everything that happens and I only share the tip of the iceberg in terms of what goes through my mind.  Our minds are an ever evolving place and if you stop to think how many thoughts you have a day it is quite staggering. 

I think the fire fighting is due to the inevitable omissions because these have led to people making ill informed assumptions about me.  There are essentially two issues.  The first is that I might lack commitment to things.  I can hear those of you that know me well shouting at the screen right about now!  It is a difficult concept to measure because it means different things to different people.  In my view I do not lack commitment and never have done.  I believe that I offer all the commitment a project needs but that I also know when it is time to walk away.  I think that is what my Buddhist teacher was trying to leave me with.  He wanted me to understand that I should be using that instinct more often so that I can leave projects at the right time and make space for new things.    Just at this time it feels right to follow his teachings but I will review as I go.  It is impossible to know how long I can stay involved in a project because it depends on too many factors but I do think I can read the evolving situation and thus leave at just the right time.  I am now aware that not everyone understands that but then we are back to people not necessarily knowing me as well as they think.  It is an engaging debate and one that I am sure has touched many of us through our lives. 

The second issue relates to an assumption that withdrawing from things means that there is something wrong - I am in a bad place.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  When I feel it is time to leave a project behind that usually comes from a very good place.  A place that tells me that I am no longer needed and it is time for others to have more space.  When I left my university career behind me after over 10 years I did it at a time when the boss's job was on offer.  I had been asked to apply with lots of assurances that I would get the job.  I did go through a feeling that I didn't think I wanted the job because of the inevitable impact on my family.  But my reasons for leaving were far more complex than that.  They involved a deep knowing that I had already given what I had to give and that this was a time for others, not me.  My time was over.  I think that is a really important part of the debate. Walking away is not an easy route and it certainly needs a great deal of careful thought.  But, in my case, it always comes from a position of strength in the belief that my job is done. 

Despite my little flickers of fire fighting the overwhelming messages have focused on what we all can take from this process.  Many of you have told me your stories and the word 'overload' sings out from each and every one of them.  Striping life back a little seems to be a common aspiration.  I am obviously striping back to make more room for other things but I totally understand those of you who just want to connect with the essence of 'less is more.'  I do, of course, wish you all well with your journeys and see the new year as an ideal time to reflect.  One soul many hearts will be busy in January as Scottish island mum goes dark.  With a theme of 'renewal' I hope to share lots of helpful activities and exercises that are useful when one enters a period of contemplation. 

So, as I enter the final few days of this blog I feel completely at peace with the project and humbled by the continued support.  Many of you have asked me about my plans for writing in the future and although they are not fully inked in I am happy to share some thoughts.  I am currently working on a writing project loosely called '365 seasonal gifts of kindness.'  The premise is that we have a growing culture of kindness reaching right round the globe but much of that is driven by a notion of random.  My project hopes to make a response to that by offering up ideas for every day of the year where gifts of kindness can be generated by remaining connected and focused on the changing seasons.  These gifts may be towards others, yourself or the planet we call home.  My aim, I think, is to incorporate that into the new Scottish island mum site in outline form during 2014 before publishing a book with more detail and contextual information after that. 

I am also working on the main site for Scottish island mum and beginning to pull together the sections.  2014 absolutely has to be the year when I pull together my experience in education in a way that might be useful for others.  I can't say anymore about that at the moment as I am in discussions that are only at a very early stage. 

I have a passion for storytelling and an inkling to return to the traditional 'Once upon a time' notion and so have a number of short stories that appear to be unfolding without very much encouragement from me.  This is something that might just pop up on Scottish island mum as a new addition.  My ultimate storytelling is in the shape of a contemporary novel but I don't see that developing any further  in 2014 but it is a watching brief.  When the children are all through home school there will be time I need to write a novel and see where that takes me. 

So, my writing continues to have a place in my life but it follows my role as a mother and my work with international charities.  Now that I have let so many projects go I have a lot more time to take on longer assignments where the written word becomes the place where stories of enormous need are translated around the world.  Standing beside mothers in desperate need of help for basic survival is the ultimate in storytelling and I feel honoured to be able to help. 

Until tomorrow.  xx