I can't remember what went through my head before I began writing. I am feeling blessed that I decided to give it a go and touched by the interest shown in my work. Today I have been sweeping the tears from my cheeks all day as I finally finished my memorial piece to Paul before writing my dedication to Molly who turns 21 tomorrow. I am exhausted. I am quickly blogging before another meeting with Mollie to complete her application for the Conservatoire of Scotland. It is a day of writing.
Writing a memorial is not easy and I pressed delete more times than I normally do. I was desperate to do it justice but as soon as I let Paul start to speak it was easier. I will post my memorial to Paul on Thursday before I attend the service in the afternoon. I have picked out a red dress to wear with a red fitted coat. There is to be no black and red seems fitting as you will discover if you read the piece on Thursday. It is a day that I have to get through before painting a smile on my face on the Friday to meet Molly to celebrate her 21st in London. The girls will be about town.
If writing the memorial was painful I then drafted my dedication to Molly which will be posted tomorrow. Goodness me, is it safe to cry that much? Molly touches my heart in a unique and very deep way so my strongest advice would be to have the tissues ready. There are bits that, inevitably, broke my heart as you will see tomorrow. Beyond that I manage to smile at the fondest of memories and the proudest of moments.
All this off the back of a controversial project that I keep pondering over why on earth I am took it on. Except I do know exactly why I took it on. Writing under a pen name responding to incredibly difficult topics is all about stretching myself. With this project I haven't just eased my way out of my comfort zone I have blasted myself out of it. As I hit publish yesterday evening I held my breath and I don't think I took another normal breath until the first email landed in my inbox. I knew it would come because I knew the piece would evoke strong reactions.
As the fireworks lit up the night skies my inbox was set a blaze last night as more and more people contacted me for the link and then emailed me their views after reading the new site. It made for a very late night but one that I will never forget. I did expect a few readers of Scottish island mum to be curious but not as many as clearly were. Let us be clear this pen name project is not Scottish island mum as you all know her; she is far removed from that. She is the other side of the coin that was flipped quite deliberately the day she became a Mrs and a mother. But even Scottish island mum has a history and a back story. We all have back stories and generally we share them only with the very few. We don't share them with anyone......or maybe some of us do.
The back story shared was not complete and I am not convinced the full story will ever be shared. The bit I did share became my personal firework display and I will always remain shocked by the feedback. As a writer I will cherish last night as so many readers committed to what I had shared and the most common note was to tell me they are in it for the whole ride.
Sharing this commission is going to be a real challenge as I will only be able to mention it in passing from this point onwards on Scottish island mum. I am not to use my usual social networking sites to share the work. The project asks that I share only on request (a method that I used yesterday) and from that point readers will have to do the sharing. For the project to work at its best no-one is to disclose the real name of the writer. Goodness, how exciting! I am not to get drawn into giving more detail than I am prepared to give on the site so no asking me questions. I would just say very quietly.... the most common question last night related to the man 'was he real or not?' I did not and should not answer that.
So this is your last real chance to connect with this new work before I am forced to go quiet on it. If you want to follow this work just email me and I will send you the link. You will then need to hit the follow button to ensure you get notification of the next piece. Enough said or I will be in trouble.
This week is going to be tough and I am not going to pretend otherwise. I hope the memorial service doesn't ask me to say goodbye to Paul because I will never say that.
Until tomorrow. xx
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