Saturday 2nd November
We are having the most shocking weather on the island. Incredibly heavy rain downpours are mixed with thunder and lightening and so I have retreated to bed to write for a while. I have been reflecting on my writing journey over the last couple of days as it has been necessary to make some decisions. When I began Scottish island mum I had already been writing for a couple of years but very off and on and I needed to find a way to build writing into the every day. Writing a blog every day for a year seemed a good idea and it has delivered on its intention as I am much more disciplined about my writing now. I have not, as yet, experienced writer's block so it will be a shock if I ever face that hurdle. There has not been a single day when I don't want to blog and there has always been something to say. So I feel blessed that I took on this project.
Beyond the discipline I have got so much more out of Scottish island mum that I could ever have contemplated. As we head to the end of the project I find myself working for a large retailer in their marketing team, writing and editing for a new website, writing for international charities, writing for other websites and now a new project writing for 12 months under a pen name. By any standards that is a lot of writing and I am so grateful for the diversity of the work. Some of it pays better than others so this allows for the diversity that, at this time, I want to maintain. One soul many hearts locked my own heart up months ago and I am so proud of what the site has achieved in the short time it has been live. I get emails every day about the site and it is number one with google already. It has a very loyal following but it will have to go some to beat the loyal following of Scottish island mum. I have been completely humbled by the loyalty shown by you guys and it confirms my faith in human nature.
Last night I got the most amazing email of the lot from a reader who lives in Spain. She has read the blog every day for the entire year so far and wanted to tell me why. As a writer this is what it is all about. Genuine, well considered feedback that helps you to understand your voice. Alice took the time to write a lengthy email and I will be eternally grateful. In her email she talked about the ritual that focuses around Scottish island mum. It is only when her day is coming to an end and all the work for the day is done will she allow herself the luxury of a cup of tea and a catch up with Scottish island mum. She likes to have the quiet time to reflect as she says that I have managed to touch on issues that have made her think about her life. That alone is incredibly rewarding feedback because it makes a dialogue between writer and reader so much easier if common ground can be found.
Alice talked about positivity and this became a central theme of her email. She tells me that she regularly takes positivity from Scottish island mum and uses it in her own life. She is right because I am an incredibly positive person and I have worked hard at that all my life. I have taught myself to turn a problem into an opportunity and focuses in what works in my life rather than what doesn't. It is fair to say that my body is the aspect of my life that let's me down the most but I can not see the point of dwelling on that and defining everything I do through that frame. That would be a very sad way to live a life. I believe in sending positivity out there but I also believe in surrounding myself with other positivity. I am blessed with my friendships. I have a ridicously silly number of close friends and I spend a huge amount of time investing in those relationships. It is these relationships that make my world go round and right in the centre of my personal merry-go-round is my lovely family.
Alice asked me how I stay so positive even on days that don't work very well. That is an easy one to answer. In recent years I have found some time to walk the path of Buddhism. I do not see this as a religion as I view it as a philosophy or a way of life. It teaches you all sorts of worldly wise skills like compassion, empathy and mindfulness. I have meditated for years but in the last couple of years I have extended and deepened my meditation with the most unbelievable results. Science tells us that we only use a fraction of our brains and meditation or mindfulness extends the use of our brains into areas such as the subconcious. The combination of meditation and Buddhism has taught me to live in the moment. Let me tell you that that is much much easier to say than to do. My journey to success with living in the moment was incredibly slow and, at times, frustrating. My mind would naturally dwell on the past or reach into the future. You can't change the past and the future will take care of itself. You do, however, have some control over the moment. At the very least you have control over how you respond to the moment.
I have taught myself to live entirely in the moment and to truly appreciate every moment as part of a life that, I think, will have been well lived. This radical change in me has rewarded my a thousand times over and I now see the world and my place in it very differently. As I approach 50 I feel that I am at a stage when I can be truly grateful for what my life has offered me so far. It is now time I gave back. This simple phrase is what guides each and every day and I make sure I give something to others every day. This, in turn, feeds my soul and I am more content and happier than at any other time in my life.
Alice asked me where I go next because she is anxious about the end of the this project. I am anxious about the end of this project if I dwell on that so I don't. I do feel the responsibility of the literally thousands of emails I have received through the year and do understand that the 31st December must come. So, this all brought me to the point of focusing purely on my writing and my aspirations yet to be realised. Some things were clearer than others but I do believe that Scottish island mum has a bright future all by herself. One soul many hearts is, essentially, a sharing platform and I am simply the editor. I have big plans for the site but they don't necessarily involve me in lots of writing. If my plans come together the site will be able to function with the lightest of touch from me. We are a way off that though so I know the next year or so will be dedicated to getting it to where it needs to be.
My writing commissions are all underway and ongoing so I am happy to leave them to do what they need to do. My work for international charities is perhaps the most rewarding of all and I can see that role extending as time allows.
Alice's worry, that she happily shared with me, is that there will be no room for Scottish island mum. Scottish island mum is what Alice knows and her evening ritual is important to her and I get that. My hope and intention is that Scottish island mum will grow and develop in a way that responds to the feedback that I have received through the year and continue to receive. It will change shape and look as it is migrated to its new home but I do hope it is a home that readers will recognise. The intention is to keep the essence of what is Scottish island mum now as it moves across. I am relying on people like to Alice to shout at me loudly if I lose touch with that essence.
Writing under a pen name is already blowing my mind slightly. When I was 17 I danced the part of Eurydice in a production that blew my mind. My mind is not often blown but in this production I felt and understood things as a young woman that have stayed with me forever. That said, it is not things that I have shared beyond maybe one or two people so I am teetering on the edge of revealing parts of me that have always remained hidden. Writing under a pen name and for a commissions which places a high premium on truth might just be my chance. The question is do I want to and am I brave enough to take the chance. With this is mind I have decided not to share the link to my pen name site openly. If you would like to join me on this journey you will need to just drop me am email and I will send you the link personally. I think that is a better way forward.
If, like Alice, you are slightly anxious about losing touch with Scottish island mum her facebook page is where all the updates will go while she is quietly migrating. I would hope to be back online as soon as possible in 2014. If you haven't hit the like button on the facebook page now might be a good time to do it. Beyond that one soul many hearts website and facebook page are also worth keeping up with because this is an ever changing site with just so much wonderful things to share.
I am taking this time to thank not only Alice for her well considered and generous feedback but all of you who have taken the time to message me through the year. Scottish island mum is a result of all of it and you will all have my gratitude forever and a day.
Until tomorrow. Xx
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