Tuesday 29th October
Just for a short while I want to dwell on egos. Of late I think this has become an ugly word and I think this may be an injustice. An ego is part of who we are and how we present ourselves to the world. It is a part of us that we can't ignore and, when in balance, our ego is a blessing. I have stumbled across several articles that have spoken of egos as things that get in the way of a compassionate life and I think they both misunderstand the purpose of an ego.
My ego shapes what I believe myself to be capable of and it stretches out my identity to meet others as they cross my path. It is true that if my ego is overfed it quickly becomes too big for its boots and it needs a quick detox. I detox my ego on a regular basis and this is best achieved by parking it up and starving it for a while. When it has concluded its detox it emerges as a much leaner being and capable of interacting with the world in a thoughtful and reflective manner.
Buddhism challenges our notion of ego and is keen to park it up permanently but I have always struggled with that. If our ego is allowed to grow too large and take up too much space and time in our sense of being that will, inevitably, present a problem. We will see ourselves as more important than other beings and that is a dangerous outlook to have. I believe that, if fed correctly, our ego can serve us well as it builds our identity and our confidence in who we are and what we might contribute to the world. The clue is in the second part of the previous sentence. 'It is what we might contribute to the world' that allows our ego to be kept in check and in a place that is at peace with the world.
I can spot an inflated ego at a hundred metres as it thrashes about the place informing the world of its existence. The sense of being equal is in the shadow of a rising ego that knows no boundaries. Even simple communications revolve around that ego while other dimensions of being are blocked out by the sheer size and weight of the beast. Empathy is one of our greatest gifts as a creature of this world but it stands no chance against an obese ego. It is impossible to see the world from other people's perspectives if the view is blocked by a rather large and self satisfying ego.
I think perhaps all of us have been guilty at one time or another of feeding someone else's ego and that has usually back-fired on us as that person becomes harder to like. There are also those people who need their ego to be fed as often as possible and they are the most dangerous of us all. We must resist the temptation to feed their ego in the hope that starvation will become its saviour.
Every single day I go through a small ego detox just as some of you might pray every day. I look within and consider how my ego has handled the day and ask to what extent has it served the needs of others? I don't always get the answers I am looking for but this just strengthens my resolve to try harder the next day. I might be slightly out of step with a life long philosophy that I hold very dear but I am confident that I could offer a robust defence of my interpretation should the Dalai Lama ever fancy a chat.
Max asked me recently - 'if you could have one wish what would it be?' I smiled inside and out as I knew the answer immediately... 'that we could all learn to keep our egos in their rightful place by resisting the need to over-feed them'.
Imagine a world like that......
Until tomorrow. xx
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