Day 113 - a topic rarely discussed.

Tuesday 23rd April

Today is all about a subject that I do my very best to avoid.  A routine dental check may not be pleasant for any of us but for me it usually signals the start of a challenging day.  The appointment itself is no problem but towards the end of the scale and polish the first spasms begin and my day is set.  I don't talk about my illness because it is boring and I try hard not to think about it.  But today has been all about it so I fear I have no choice.  So many if you have messaged me about it perhaps it is time I said a little...

I have a condition called fibromyalgia which is a chronic pain condition caused by a nervous system that doesn't work properly.  It sends the wrong messages to my brain and the result is pain.  It began almost 10 years ago when I was diagnosed with trigeminal neuralgia which is a painful condition in the nerves in the face.  Over time the pain moved to two additional sites in the body and now it is pretty much everywhere.  I even get searing pain in my ear lobes!

I am on medication to control the pain and slow down my nervous system and without these I would be a little lost.  As you might expect I am not really one for popping pills and over the years have explored lots of alternative treatments with varying success.  I have not, sadly, been able to replace the medication as I accept that this keeps me functioning.  Over time, my body has slowly began to struggle with the, sometimes, high levels of pain and movement has become more and more challenging.  It is a battle of the mind as well as the body and this mind refuses to submit!  The secret to this thing is to keep moving because if I don't I won't be able to.  Recent research shows that there might be a genetic link and I did have a grandmother who had similar symptons and she ended up in a wheelchair.  This girl is so not going there.

So my innocent trip to the dentists always costs me a day in bed on tramadol which sends me into a bit of a spin but makes the pain bearable.  I will be right side up by tomorrow and at least I have nice clean teeth.  I cope pretty well with my illness largely through ignoring it and refusing to give into it.  I also refused to be defined by it.  The very last thing I want my children to see is a poorly mum so generally they don't.  When they do they are, of course, little stars (can you call a 17 year old lad a star?).  I hide myself away and they know I would prefer them to just get on with their days.  I remind them constantly that there are people much much worse off than me and that it is not going to kill me - I am more likely to kill it.  Although incurable at the moment we all live in hope and watch the research very closely.

So now you all know all about it and there is not much else to say. Don't think for one minute preparations for our little charity tea party have been halted.  My darling family have all been busy working their way through my list.  Good to have a list me thinks!  We will be all shiny on Saturday despite the cold weather that is set to join us.  I will ignore that as well.

Harry has just arrived home and this job seems to suit him well.  He is working for a horticulturalist and so all his experience in growing is proving very useful.  That said, he has just done 8 hours of weeding.  He is 17 and that is what you do at that age.  I can remember lifting potatoes all day at that age.  A joyful memory.

I do hope that this post makes some sense.  I fear the tramadol has a tendency to fry my brain a little but I have quite decided that a gentle frying every now and then is good for it.  Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible and I am sure it will reference a fabulous magazine I have just discovered called 'The simple things'.  It is packed full of stripped back living and right up my street.  I have a new goal in life now as I really want to get something published with these guys.  I will feel I have landed then.  I have also just picked up a status from Mark Boyle informing us that he has received planning permission for a new build on a six acre site and his plans are enough to turn the entire planet upside down and give us all a good shake.  I will, no doubt, share his progress on my little blog and I am not afraid to copy the man.  Hazelbank needs to look out!  I can feel my family groaning.....

Until tomorrow. Xx